Don’t you remember?

When will I see you again?

You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said.

Not a final kiss to seal any sins

I had no idea of the state we were in

I know a have a fickle heart and a bitterness, and a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don’t you remember?

Don’t you remember?

The reason you loved me before

Baby, please remember me once more

When was the last time you thought of me?

Or have you completely erased me from your  memory?

I often think about where I went wrong

The more I do, the less I know

I know a have a fickle heart and a bitterness, and a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don’t you remember?

Don’t you remember?

The reason you loved me before

Baby, please remember me once more

Gave you the space so you could breathe

I kept my distance so you would be free, in hope you’d find the missing piece to bring you back to me

Why don’t you remember?

Don’t you remember?

The reason you loved me before

Baby, please remember me once more

When will I see you again?

 

 

 

 

 

Used to be

You are coming home
Are you still alone
Are you not the same as you used to be

You are coming home
Are you still alone
Are you not the same as you used to be

As the sun grows high
and you serve your time
Does each day just feel like another lie

Now you know
is it just for show
Just a foolish game that you hide behind

Don’t forget the nights
when it all felt right
Are you not the same as you used to be
Used to be

In an endless night
could you feel the fright
Of an age that was and could never be

We hold it close
when we feel the most
Like a love that we could not leave behind

Turn the wheel
to which way we feel
Till I’m lost and knock and not find you there

Don’t forget the nights
when it all felt right
Are you not the same as you used to be
Used to be

Even if I tried so hard
would we still be coming to an end
Even if we spoke the same words
would we still be termed as friends

Even if its simple from the start
we will give the pieces of our hearts
and when there is nothing left to pretend
we will know its coming to an end

Even if we tried so hard
we will give the pieces of our hearts
It’s always good to see you again
even if though its coming to an end

We could wait until the summer
see what happens to the other
We could stay inside all summer
see what happens to the other

Wah piang eh

School’s so hectic, basically everything is. It scares me that my SPA practicals start next week, but everyone’s like “It’s only practicals, just don’t panic, super easy bla bla” but its friggin O levels! Its as if the actual O level papers are around the corner. Speaking of which, I don’t even bother to look at the top of my classroom whiteboard till today, and realise its only 36/37 more weeks to Os. It seems like a long way to go still, but I have to face it after all at the end of the day.

I hope I can balance everything; school, dance, relationships and health. I’m really motivated to take care of my health and it’s already been a week of my being pescetarian! Besides that, I just went for a 4.5km jog with my baby yesterday around dairy farm. God, it was real tiring and my legs literally felt numb. I had to rest a couple of times because I was shivering!! Now that is weird.

And I’ve realised something, most of my sweet memories I had with a guy happens at my estate. Weirder?

 

I guess we’re back to being strangers

Its a manic sickness and its happening again and again. I can’t seem to forget you, you were too real to be true. Now it seems that you’ve move on, you’re happy with your life drinking and partying hard. You promised me promises that were empty, that just slipped away. I can’t seem to elicit a solution to put myself in a better mood whenever I’m alone in my room, on my bed. The bed, the fucking bed. Bed is where I shouldn’t be, its like a coffin of misery, and I’ll magically find my Ipod somewhere beneath the sheets and there the cycle repeats itself, time slowly eats itself up. This is what I’ve caused another, and I feel for him, the rebound. I’m in a state of discombobulation and I still need time.

 

Who will it be?

Can we fast forward to Valentine’s?

This is like a hunger pan

I don’t understand, what do you want from me? You said you like me, and then within a blink of an eye, you’ve vanished. I’m scared to approach you because you’re the one who made the first move of drifting away. You probably have some personal problems at home that makes you feel like straying away from everyone else. And this worries me man, as I have no clue what to do. You lead me somewhere, into believing we could give it a go, but you just wander off. Now I’m forced to mend my own wounds, resorting into finding a rebound, someone that can take my mind off you. But if this prolongs, I’m afraid of the choice I would have to choose at the end of the day. Well, that is, if you come back. And if you don’t, I guess I’ll be falling for that rebound already although I’ll still have different feelings for you. Different in a good way, different as in you’re still the one that causes the butterflies in my tummy to spazz. Time will tell it all.

Never before

“I don’t know”, now that’s the phrase that frequently comes out of my mouth these few days and honestly, I really don’t know what you want from me. I’ve kept my hopes high and then it crumbles down and then it rekindles again and again it will all come falling down – this sequence will just keep on repeating itself like a routine everytime you let me down. You sometimes vent your anger on me, thinking like its ok, like I have no feelings, like I’m a wall where you can vandalize and spill your hatred all over. And the worst part is, you don’t realise it and I just have to act like nothing just happened. And this period of time is the worst of it all because I don’t have that reassurance from you and I’m trying every way possible to not think of you everytime I daydream. It’s fucking hard when I’m forced to find a rebound, when it’ll only hurt me and that person. I know there’s feelings inside of you that you don’t want to share or tell, but if you really liked me, then prove it, mean it, show it! I feel that it’s only me making the first move in everything, and I don’t want it to be that way. You’re the only one that can make me have spastic butterflies in my stomach, the only one that makes me all cheerful and flushed at the cheeks, the one I’ve fallen for. Just so you know, I’m preparing myself because a huge part of me constantly remind me that you’re gonna leave, abruptly or slowly or with warning. But that little part of me hopes that you’ll just stop being a douche and look what’s in front of your bloody eyes. I wished we could just give it a go…

I feel the sun creeping up like tick tock

Life’s good when exams are over, parents are still sane and you can blast Mike Posner’s Please Don’t Go in the house without receiving any complaint letter from the apartment’s management. Life’s good when there’s time to do whatever you want in this free world, free nation without anyone stopping you. Life’s good when you have your friends, family, cats and (not so faithful) Jumiati. Life’s good when there’s no boundaries and limitations! Speaking of sleepovers, SFAD, WHEN IS OUR SLEEPOVER GONNA HAPPEN!!! Life’s good when you have all the time in the world to go out with racy company. Life’s good when you apparently got yourself a job to occupy you during this period of time. Life’s good when the money’s rolling in Life’s good when you don’t have to wake up early in the morning and pour out all your sorrows and miseries of your wanting to crawl back to bed on Twitter. Life’s good when the Haj and Christmas are approaching. Of course life’s good when my birthday draws nearer and nearer, though I have absolutely no idea what to do this year (time for serious brainstorming!) But life sucks when you know you have a qualifying test to sit for in exactly 2 months’ time. And the clock’s still ticking.

Top 10 Things to Do When You (or Your Kids) Have Too Much Halloween Candy (via Promega Connections)

10. Set a daily limit. (An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.) Allow X number of pieces of candy per day, then put the bag away, under lock and key. 9. Parental help (good for the child, not so good for the parent). In my childhood, though it was not apparent at the time, Dad was helping by eating some of the candy. Many Promega parents engage in this practice with their children now. 8. Burn more energy. Go for a run or walk or outsid … Read More

via Promega Connections

Hatred

I feel very down these few days and the main reason is because if my results. I did really bad in some subjects especially my sciences, and topped some humanities subjects. If I’d knew my strength positively, I would’ve taken Literature instead of Biology. I know myself, that I won’t grow up becoming a doctor or dentist or surgeon. I like to write and plan and brainstorm and talk and chat and laugh at some nice coffee shop or ice cream parlor. I don’t live to sit through classes every fucking day of my life and memorise things I don’t have passion for. But I’m forced to, given the education system in Singapore.

I believe that even through this failure, there is still this narrow space ajar that contains hope for myself, that I can do better. Because if others can do it, why can’t I? But right now, I just feel so goddamn bloody stupid, brainless, useless, you name it. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore, what’s there to live for? I’ve never experienced true hard feelings, like real love or the discovery of a great friendship. I just want to runaway for now, do whatever I want and need to. And hopefully, this time round, there would be more of discussing rather than scolding from Mum.

I go out with my friends, and have fun all day but its different when I get home and lock myself up in my room. Just leaving the nightlight and laptop on, and place my fingers on this green keypads, ready to type away. Not caring about my phone, just caring about folk and acoustic songs and keeping my mind intense.

I really need to runaway from this shit that I’m facing. I need to find passion and motivation and just hopefully wake up one day, knowing what I’m living for. I don’t want to get involved in others’ matters anymore because if there’s a will, there’s a way. Every problem has its solution, its just a matter of time before you find it out by yourself.

Wherever I am, it just seems like noone can ever understand me, not even at home. I think that miracle will never arrive.