“I don’t know”, now that’s the phrase that frequently comes out of my mouth these few days and honestly, I really don’t know what you want from me. I’ve kept my hopes high and then it crumbles down and then it rekindles again and again it will all come falling down – this sequence will just keep on repeating itself like a routine everytime you let me down. You sometimes vent your anger on me, thinking like its ok, like I have no feelings, like I’m a wall where you can vandalize and spill your hatred all over. And the worst part is, you don’t realise it and I just have to act like nothing just happened. And this period of time is the worst of it all because I don’t have that reassurance from you and I’m trying every way possible to not think of you everytime I daydream. It’s fucking hard when I’m forced to find a rebound, when it’ll only hurt me and that person. I know there’s feelings inside of you that you don’t want to share or tell, but if you really liked me, then prove it, mean it, show it! I feel that it’s only me making the first move in everything, and I don’t want it to be that way. You’re the only one that can make me have spastic butterflies in my stomach, the only one that makes me all cheerful and flushed at the cheeks, the one I’ve fallen for. Just so you know, I’m preparing myself because a huge part of me constantly remind me that you’re gonna leave, abruptly or slowly or with warning. But that little part of me hopes that you’ll just stop being a douche and look what’s in front of your bloody eyes. I wished we could just give it a go…

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